Laughing Out Loud: The Argument Sketch

Reading something that makes you laugh


From Wikipedia: Above: John_Cleese and Eric Idle. Below: Michael_Palin and Terry Gilliam

1. Do you know how to argue? Do you not?
The words, 'argue about', 'arguing', 'argument' can have more than one sense.
'Argument' could be either 'a reason' or 'a row'. If you are looking for a
reason, a logical explanation and what you get into is a row, a noisy quarrel,
this is funny to look at and listen to. If you make a pun with words, you can
have fun.Try reading a dialogue where a man is looking for an argument and what
he finds is contradiction.
2. Do you know how to disagree?
Think of the terms: agree, disagree, agreement. Why do the characters
continuously disagree?
3. Have you ever been abused?
Then study the words: abuse, abuser, abusing. How is abuse used in the dialogue?
How are all these three concepts, 'argument', 'disagreement' and 'abusing' used
to make you laugh?

The Argument Sketch
The Cast (in order of appearance.) M= Man looking for an argument ; R= Receptionist ; Q= Abuser ;A= Arguer (John Cleese); C= Complainer (Eric Idle); H= Head Hitter

M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.
Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M:You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M:You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell)Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.

M: I want to complain.
C: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: No, I want to complain about...
C: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: Oh!
C: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.

M: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
H: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: uuuwwhh!!
H: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: No.
H: Now..
M: Waaaaah!!!
H: Good, Good! That's it.
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: What?
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: Stop hitting you?
M: Yes!
H: Why did you come in here then?
M: I wanted to complain.
H: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: What a stupid concept.
From "Monty Python's Previous Record" and "Monty Python's Instant Record Collection" Originally transcribed by DanKay, Fixed up and Added "Complaint" and "Being Hit On The Head lessons" Aug/ 87by Tag Ariga"mailto:tak@gpu.utcs.toronto.ed

Homage to the International Women’s Day on March the 8th, 2009: The Discovery of the Radium (1897-1903), by Marie Curie

1 Read the passage on Marie Curie and answer the questions below, as if they were a part of your next                                                                           (University Entrance Exam type-like test)

Marie Curie discovered the mysterious element radium. It opened the door to deep changes in the way scientists think about matter and energy. She also led the way to a new era for medical knowledge and the treatment of diseases. Marie decided to investigate the uranium rays. There was so little work on them for her to read about that she could begin experiments at once. First Marie needed a lab. She had to settle for a storeroom in the Paris Municipal School, where her husband, Pierre Curie, was now a professor. The storeroom was crowded and damp, but somehow she had to overcome its problems. She started off by studying a variety of chemical compounds that contained uranium.

Trying to see what was so special about uranium, she tested minerals containing other elements. Marie discovered that the mineral pitchblende was more radioactive than could be accounted for by the uranium it contained. She was convinced that a careful analysis of pitchblende would uncover a new radioactive element. Pierre, excited by his wife’s idea, joined her search. The Curies uses standard chemical procedures to separate the different substances in pitchblende. For example, a particular element might dissolve in an acid, which they could pour off, leaving other elements behind in a sludge at the bottom of the pot. After the materials were separated into different types of compounds, the Curies used a new method of chemical analysis. The trick they invented was to find which of the separated parts was most radioactive, using the Curie electrometer to make precise measurements. Then they would make more separations, again and again, tracking down the unknown element by its radioactivity. In the end they found not one but two new radioactive elements.

The substance they named “polonium” behaved chemically about the same as an element that was already known, bismuth, and the substance they named “radium” had about the same chemistry as the element barium. But polonium and radium were different from the known elements in one big way—each was strongly radioactive.
Scientists were fascinated by the discovery of X-rays. It was not just that the rays would be a huge help in medicine and must have many other practical uses. Here was a new tool for penetrating and studying matter. At this time, the end of the 19th century, many of the great problems of physics had been solved. There were laws for electricity and magnetism and gravity and more. But scientists knew they faced even greater mysteries, for the true nature of energy and matter were entirely unknown.
http://www.aip.org/history/curie/brief/03_radium/radium_7.html

2. Are the following statements true (T) or false (F)?
A. A new stage in medicine was open by some discoveries made by Marie

B. First of all she had to overcome working in awkward conditions, such as settling for a Council School, wet and full
3. Answer the following questions using your own words:
A Why do you think the mineral she studied was more radioactive than could be explained by the quantity of uranium it contained?

B Can you explain how did the Curies manage to get to the element “uranium”?



4 Find synonyms in the second paragraph for
discover (verb):
Mud :
to be dripping with :
Finding out:

5 Join these sentences with a RELATIVE pronoun:
This is the plan. You have been talking about it. ………………………………...............................
Fill in the gaps with the correct verb tenses
If she _______ (NOT WORK) so much last night She _________(NOT GET CANCER).
Join these sentences with a liking word (do not use AND or BUT):
X-files are very useful nowadays. They can be dangerous if you apply them excessively.
Join the following sentences using an appropriate linker (do not use AND or BUT) Make changes if necessary: People shouldn't abuse X-rays. It affects their bodies

6 Write a COMPOSITION (80-100 words). Choose ONE of the following options:
a) How has your life changed with the use of X-rays?
b) Advantages and disadvantages of the use of radium

Structure in East of Eden (1952), by John Steinbeck

Two immigrant families:
1 The Hamiltons: produce the narrator of the story (John Steinbeck’s voice)
2 The Trasks: produce the story as an epitome of Biblical myth (Cain and Abel)

The scenery is The Salinas Valley, with a particular garden of Eden to the East.
Myth says that to the East of Eden Hell was, so that from the very title we know
who the protagonists are going to be:


1st generation
Samuel Hamilton: well-educated and well-read - ; inventive, loved by people but keeps on being a poor farmer, a blacksmith, a carpenter, a woodcarver and honest

Cyril Trask: something of a devil, -had always been wild-, joined the Army and developed an excellent military mind; advises Army authorities and manages to get a lot of money from dark origin
2nd generation
Samuel Hamilton’s nine children: Dessie was the beloved… Mollie the pretty kitten, Olive the strong-headed, Una with clouds on her head,
Samuel and his sons Tom and Joe thought big and George and Will thought little. Joseph was a kind of mooning boy
Olive becomes a teacher (it was the germ of intellectuality, necessary for storytelling.
Cyril Trask’s children: Adam and Charles (started to develop the biblical myth). Adam is too good a character and Charles too wild, for both of them to be real, in spite of the fact that Adam’s life course leads him to jail and gets to know deep pain, both in his evolving as an adult and falling in love with someone from a brothel, who he met by chance in poorly condition and took care of, made his wife and she bore him twins.

3rd generation
Olive’s child: becomes the teller of the myth, its voice. In real life, he is the writer, John Steinbeck, though he does not appear in the story but as a 1st person narrator, who uses his memories on real life and myth as a source for his novel.
Adam’s children: Cal and Aron Trask turn the myth into humanity

CALEB vs. ARON
In the third generation we can see how myth is taken over by humanity
Read the following passages and find out what the twins are like.
1 How are they different?
2 How does each of them react to the new knowledge about their mother?

“…And they’re very different. You can’t imagine how different.”
“In what way, Lee?”
“You’ll see when they come home from school. They’re like two sides of a medal. Cal is sharp and dark and watchful, and his brother -well, he’s a boy you like before he speaks and like more afterwards.”
“And you don’t like Cal?”
“I find myself defending him -to myself. He’s fighting for his life and his brother doesn’t have to fight.”
“I have the same thing in my brood,” said Samuel. “I don’t understand it. You’d think with the same training and the same blood they’d be alike, but they’re not -not at all.” p. 296
…/…
Cal said, “Where do you think our mother is?”
“She’s dead.”
“No, she isn’t.”
“She is too.”
“She ran away,” said Cal. “I heard some men talking.”
“They were liars.”
“She ran away.” said Cal. “You won’t tell I told you?”
“I don’t believe it.” said Aron. “Father said she was in Heaven.”
Cal said quietly, “Pretty soon I’m going to run away and find her. I’ll bring her back.
“Where did the men say she is?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll find her.”
“She’s in Heaven,” said Aron. “Why would Father tell a lie?” He looked at his brother, begging him silently to agree. Cal didn’t anser him. “Don’t you think whe’s in Heaven with the angels? Aron insisted. And when Cal still did not answer. ‘Who were the men who said it?”
“Just some men. In the post office at King City. They didn’t think I could hear. But I got good ears. Lee says I can hear the grass grow.”
Aron said, “What would she want to run away for?”
“How do I know? Maybe she didn’t like us.”
Aron inspected this heresy. “No,” he said. “The men were liars. Father said she’s in Heaven. And you know how he don’t like to talk about her.”
“Maybe that’s because she ran away.”
“No. I asked Lee. Know what Lee said? Lee said, ‘Your mother loved you and she still does.’ And Lee gave me a star to look at. He said maybe that was our mother and she would love us as long as that light was there. Do you think Lee is a liar?” Through his gathering tears Aron could see his brother’s eyes, hard and reasonable. There were no tears in Cal’s eyes.
Cal felt pleasantly excited. He had found another implement, another secret tool, to ue for any purpose he needed. He studied Aron, saw his quivering lips, but he noticed in time the flaring nostrils. Aron would cried and fought at the same time he was dangerous. Nothing could hurt him and nothing could stop him. Once Lee had held him in his lap, clasping his still flailing fists to his sides, until after a long time he relaxed. And his nostrils had flared then.
Cal put his new tool away. He could bring it out anytime, and he knew it was the sharpest weapon he had found. He would inspect it at his ease and judge just when and how much to use it. P 338-339



Free will as a choice

Read the passages and answer the questions:

1 Why do you think Lee is chosen as the character in the novel to analyse The Bible as a moral behaviour guide?
2 Analyse the three verb forms ‘shall’, ‘do’ and ‘may’ on your own, and tell the difference among them.
3 Which one do you think is more suitable to be applied in the family stories in the novel? For example, Think about the Caleb and Aaron story, how is free will applied there?

The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel -”Thou mayest’ -that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’ - it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ Don’t you see?

Any writing which has influenced the thinking and the lives of innumerable people is important. Now, there are many millions in heir sects and churches who feel the order, ‘Do thou,’ and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ’Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and will.
…/…
That makes a man a man.
(East of Eden, by John Steinbeck, p 395, Pengüin Books)